Saturday, February 05, 2011

Lining up and Falling into Place

Mini-Golf, replicating the alignment of the heavens.
At your left you see several brightly colored golf balls, lined up as if someone created a funky design. Which is fine, if one had lots of time on the min-golf course to play around with the balls. Usually the courses are busy at the height of summer, as it was on this day last August. 

But this design was not made by a bored golfer, it was the random way our balls landed after we each took our first strokes at this hole.

Pretty cool eh? Yeah, I thought so too!

Once upon a time, I was watching the flick Lara Croft: Tomb Raider starring Angelina Jolie and some other people. The movie had some cool action, and a convoluted plot. Part of the plot I remember, something important, or dire was going to happen once all the planets aligned - an event that was astrologically rare, yet conveniently going to happen during the time frame of the movie's setting.

Aside from coveting Angie's eyebrows, my take-away from this was that I knew that "on-the-verge" feeling. Yet in my case, this alignment wasn't a portent of a disaster. 

I've had the funny feeling during these last several years that I was very close to becoming...myself. Yeah, that's a good thing. I can't describe, or remember really, what made me have this feeling, but I swear I could feel a "click" now and then, as if some puzzle finally fit in place, or some ratchet-y thing had settled in the correct groove.

All this self-actualization or navel gazing wasn't just about my amorphous state of being or my faith, or my health, it was really about something more concrete: my writing.

I have had some wee successes now and then in this area, like the time I pumped poor Eric O. (former owner of Blogcritics) to tell me EXACTLY what a PR dude (he's actually the Director of Publicity) from FOX said about my 24 write-ups. It was a bit pathetic, like a girl interrogating her friends about what her current crush said about her. And E.O., bless his patient heart, kindly sent me the emails where the FOX guy said some sort of compliment about my writing. No, I can't remember what he said. Pity. But still, it was a good, good moment.

There's been a few other moments, that I won't bore you with now, but the point is, I felt pretty convinced I was on the cusp of something grand. 

And then the proverbial (and some literal) dung hit the fan, and life got complicated.

I've had forgotten my cusp-y, verge-y feelings and right now my successes are vastly different. Woohoo, I answered that email finally! Cooked a meal instead of take-out! Remembered everyone's appointments this week!

And the successes I hope for are more like: Cool, I finally fit into these jeans. Or, most of the rooms in this house are presentable for guest viewing.

But those other goals, they are still viable. I think my stars will align again, I think things will happen when they need to happen. I have to have lots of patience.

Kind of like a golfer.

1 comment:

Face to the Sunshine said...

Mary! Google is showing ads for golfing, and golf get-a-ways, and "optical alignment", based on this post. I get such a kick out of seeing what they advertise for, based on what we write about.

Also, I hope you cross the cusp soon, writing-wise!