New York State of Mind

Who would have thought that I'd enjoy it so much and want to go back so badly? Ah, let me explain. Family and I went to NYC this weekend (Friday to Sunday). I was glad to come home, but I want to go back.

Please - don't get me wrong. Home is fine, home is great. The Merrimack Valley area has lots to offer, and beyond that, there's Boston and what a fine city it is. I'm glad to live here. I don't want to live in New York, but I want to go back soon.

It's a kind of place, for me anyway, that takes so much time to absorb and enjoy.

New York is BIG.

Not just big in acreage, population, and number of taxis, NY is enormous in concept.

Entertainment - how many novels, movies, television shows or plays were set and/or filmed in this city? So many. Songs inspired by this place? You get the idea.

Finance - I walked on Wall Street. No, I'm not a closet financier or day trader. But man, Wall Street!

Advertising - I didn't get to Madison Avenue, but still --

Publishing - No one was as interested as I, but still, for me it was cool to walk right by McGraw Hill.

Museums - Now, Boston has some super museums. I've been to the MFA a few times, and of course the Science Museum in Cambridge is always a good visit. Didn't get to ANY museums in NY, save the 9/11 Tribute Center (more on that later). But if I had been to the Morgan, I could have seen Charles Dicken's original manuscript for A Christmas Carol. Imagine that!

Obviously I could go on and on, but I don't have a NY size blog.

A California Christmas

No, not in Cali. I'm right here in good old New England. It's December 1st - and damn it, I feel like putting out my Christmas decorations. Actually, I've been putting out a few things here and there, but today I'm really feeling the joy. Got some holiday CDs in the player - set on shuffle.

So, big deal, right? Well no, not a big deal. But I must discuss the irony of this day, as the temperature is an unseasonable 67 degrees. It's been rather warm the last few days but the forecast calls for dropping temperatures, and perhaps snow by Sunday or Monday.

So, warm temperatures and decorating for Christmas. What's the big deal? Nothing really, but it just feels funny. It's been gloomy all day, very dark and looking like rain. It'd be easy to let the grey seep in and start some serious seasonal affective disorder type baloney. But perhaps because it's been warm, or because of the tasks of arranging evergreens and holly, and lighting candles keeps away the Grinch, but this just feels good.

Joann Weber

The co-owner of The Lowell Spinners, Joann Weber lost the game to pancreatic cancer this Wednesday night, November 29, 2006. Before owning a Minor Leauge team with her huband Drew, Weber was involved in charties and the arts in New York.

The Webers' love of community continued as their team grew in both talent and popularity in the Lowell, MA area, and they were both very visible at the games. Through the Spinners organization, the Webers became involved with various charitable groups, and Joanne Weber's loss will be felt by so many.

Random Thoughts.


Just like a day ago, I either read or heard someone referring to Dan Brown and his novels Angels and Demons and The DaVinci Code. The comment had to do, not with religious controversy, but with the protagonist’s penchant for being a frickin’ know-it-all. Robert Langdon is this neato cool Harvard bred symbologist that ends up in all kinds of predicaments. But because of his experiences, for example with – and I’m not kidding here – water polo, he is able to prevail in an underwater struggle with a bad guy. Or, Langdon’s extensive knowledge of Renaissance Masters ended up being more than useless trivia. So, this makes me wonder, what do I bring to the party? What can a 40something mom offer up in a pinch if things got dicey?

Taking stock, I begin with the obvious:

Panic.

Yeah, I can do that one very, very well. But that gets old quick, and when my fellow, ah, victims, comrades, or people I’m stuck in an elevator with get bored with slapping the white out of me – what can I do to help?

Well, the next obvious thing is my martial arts training. Sure, I’ve been doing it for over eight years, and learned a thing or two to be sure. But what if I’m on a runaway freight train? What am I going to do, use the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique on the rail lines? Hop into a crane stance in an attempt to channel my chi and calm down the other passengers?

And what about the ‘Mom’ thing. I can yell at people – ohh yeah. I suppose you want me in your group if we all fall in a cave or something. I can yell for help, and yell at everyone else to play nice and share the water – or else I’ll have to pinch the disobedient castaways, or something.

But what about all those little life experiences, like my horseback riding lessons. I really can’t see me having to saddle up anytime soon. What about my several years spent in the warehouse/office of a national mail order lingerie company? Besides causing some chuckles and nudges at parties, my ability to discern between “Home of the Whopper”, and “Home for the Whopper” is not going to get me any closer to an incarnation of MacGyver.

And sadly, my love of movie and TV trivia probably won’t get me any closer to Alex Trebek nor keep me from being voted off the island. I’m just not equipped to run with the likes of Robert Langdon, James Bond, or even Nancy Drew.

TV Review - 3 LBS

(Originally posted on Blogcritics.org)

Television audiences love a good medical show, comedy or drama, from M*A*S*H to ER; they always seem to go for the unique mix of healing and the human condition.

3 LBS is a visually captivating show. The opening scene of a string recital is lush in its lighting and setting. We see a young woman, Cassie Mack, playing her violin superbly, accompanied by her mother on the cello. Suddenly, the girl falters and her fingers stop working properly. Next, the camera begins to slide through Cassie’s layers: clothing, dermis, subcutaneous tissue, bones, and then travels the path of nerves from her fingers to her brain.

So, we see that this girl’s brain is ailing, as lights flash around her gray matter. Then, the camera backs out just the same way it went in, until we see Cassie’s worried face, as she too realizes something is very wrong. Finally, the focus settles on her violin, slowly falling out of her hands, and dropping to the floor. The beauty of the gleaming instrument striking the floor produces not only discordant sound, but image as well. Simple, but powerful.

As the scene cuts to a busy New York street, we are jolted back to reality. Dr. Seger (Mark Feuerstein) has just arrived from the West Coast. Seger is to join a neurosurgery team headed by the famous (or infamous) Dr. Doug Hanson (Stanley Tucci). Seger is greeted by one of Hanson’s assistants, who politely, but pointedly remarks that “he’s late”. She brings him into the hospital, and as she guides him to the Neuro wing, she casually mentions that the staff turnover is high on Dr. Hanson’s team, and advises him not to unpack all his things just yet.

Even before Seger enters the patient conference in Dr. Hanson’s office, we already know that there will be conflict, or at the least, tension. Dr. Seger has been portrayed as the empathetic eager beaver; while we’ve been made aware that his soon-to-be mentor has sent lesser men packing.

Oh, and we are not disappointed. Tucci’s Dr. Hanson is not a bad guy, nor boor, yet he states his findings and his solutions without handholding or any evident compassion. Dr. Seger senses Mrs. Mack’s growing alarm and confusion during Hanson’s discussion of her daughter’s condition, and he attempts to translate the medical terms into simpler language, and to inject a little comfort into the situation.

While Drs. Hanson and Seger prepare for a mapping procedure on Cassie, a side plot is introduced. A beautiful neurologist, Dr. Adrianne Holland (Indira Varma) is examining a patient in her office. While he submits to some standard tests, he quizzes the Dr. on why she does her exams barefoot. So here, we learn that not only is Dr. Holland is not only beautiful, but a bit eccentric as well. We also find out that her patient, Mr. Wills has been getting lost, and becoming forgetful. He also cannot distinguish between certain items when held in his hand. Dr. Holland used a fancy term for that problem; I’ll just say his tactile sense is messed up on the left side of his body.

Now we have two patients who need top-notch care, or is it three? The great Dr. Hanson is evidently mortal, he suffers from visual hallucinations, and during his brain scan (to test a new piece of equipment), an abnormality appears. However, he seems to be on top of his game, until his patient Cassie loses her expressive language skills after he completes his mapping procedure.

Again, the creators of 3 LBS use some unique and beautiful visual techniques to illustrate Cassie’s loss of speech. There is a dreamlike scene here that is very compelling. The camera work is one of the strengths of the show, right along with the writing, direction and acting. Feuerstein and Tucci are set up to play a bit of Good Cop – Bad Cop, but neither is drawn to such extremes.

Dr. Seger is kind and articulate, but is not above flirting with Dr. Holland, despite his acknowledgement of his girlfriend back home. On the other hand, Dr. Hanson is distant and abrupt. As much as I adore Hugh Laurie’s portrayal of the over the top grouchy Dr. House – Dr. Hanson is a bit more palatable, and is very capable of showing humanity when it is needed.

I shall not give spoilers, but there are some very intriguing twists at the end of the episode. One gives a sort of closure, and the other, makes us ask more questions. Those questions, along with the fine work helmed by Peter Ocko (Boston Legal) should bring viewers back for more.


3 LBS makes its network debut, tonight at 10:00 PM (ET)

Coffee

Ah, the great elixir, savior to man-(and woman)kind, a treat for all the senses (gotta love those scalding drops on one's thighs while navigating rush hour traffic).

I have received much teasing, scorn even from my Mondo Project and Blogcritics brethren for my taste in coffee. As much as I love coffee, I try not to be a snob about it. Yeah, I drink 'light' beer too. But I have my limits.

I do not care for the flavored stuff. French vanilla, hazelnut, apple-fricken-strudel? Now, sure, I have had a flavored coffee. It's OK. But for me, it's like food scented candles. Aside from cinnamon, I really don't want to smell food unless it's acutal - like - food. Too damn frustrating otherwise. I'd much rather have pumpkin spice in a muffin or bread, rather than in my damn coffee.

If i'm going to indulge in flavors, I'd rather discern from the nuances of Sumatran, Kona, Columbian, Arabica, or Jamica Blue. Today I wandered into a local bakery, not looking for a pastry, just a cup of New England Coffee. I've had this brand before, and it's OK. Sure enough, on the board listing of flavors, I see all the fancy hazelnut, pumkin and whathaveyou. So, naturally I picked 'Breakfast Blend'. Nothing fancy.

More like, nothing like coffee. I took my first sip on the way home. Not only wasn't it hot, but it wasn't even coffee. Now, no matter how comforting warm milk is for some, there is nothing at all appetizing about warmish half 'n half, that had a distant, vague relationship to something that might have been (in a former life) a coffee bean.

Ugh.

So, I poured it out when I got home, and brewed up some Dunkins. I have to go teach karate to some six, seven, and eight year olds - and I need something more than lukewarm, weird, fake coffee!

I just read an excellent piece by the excellent Rick Reilly. Reilly is a long time columnist for Sports Illustrated - and he's one of my favorite writers. In this column, Reilly is apparently dealing with writer's block or some variation of such - until he reads a letter from an athlete's dad.

Please take a moment to check it out.

I’ve been meaning to make some sort of grand announcement here about the Godspell performance that my son and I are going to be a part of this fall. (November 3,4,5,10,11,12) More on that later.


Godspell Notes

So, last night we had our rehearsal at the Tewksbury State Hospital. Sounds strange, but they did have a great stage, and it was wonderful to have a whole stage to move around on, instead of a church basement. (Actually our stage movement wasn’t all that wonderful, as our fearless director kindly pointed out to us – but that’s another story.)

I find the place relatively OK. Luckily a few other cast members arrived at the same time, so we could walk in together. Confusion is best when shared, I always say. The guards laughed off our earnest requests of badges and ‘signing in’. “Naw, there’s too many of you – just go down stairs take (left or right, I forget now) and there you are.” Easy enough, but then when one of our group preferred the stairs, so the guards said, “OK fine, but take (right instead of left – or whatever) or else you’ll end up in the morgue.

Ah, the morgue. Now there’s a grand place to visit, if you’re a coroner. For the rest of us, not so much. We all made jokes, but I know that deep inside, the ‘hospital queasiness’ that we all felt was just compounded. Shiver.

So, as we are trying to find the auditorium, we move past shiny, but queerly empty hallways. Scenes of Nightmare on Elm Street, or just about any other horror movie I’ve ever watched raced through my over-active imagination. I don’t know about the others, but I think I sang “Bless the Lord”, and “Light of the World” with a little extra vigor.

Cut to the end of the night. We stayed even later than usual, I’m guessing we reached the exit doors at 10:45 – give or take. So, it’s late, and it’s absolutely pouring. Pour – ing. As in rain. As in, oh great, all our stuff is gonna get wet now.

But after a minute of whining, Mike and I start hiking towards the parking lot. Of course, I don’t quite remember where I parked, and it is pouring. And – we manage to find a nice ankle deep puddle, but not the car. All those creepy feelings from earlier start to nudge their way back into my brain.

Where the fuck did I park?

Tewksbury State Hospital is not where I want to spend the night. Oh, whew, there it is. I finally get to the car, plunk everything in, and off we go. But, how do we get out of here?

Now, I’ll admit, I’m not the best at these sort of things. I try like heck, I really do, but I can get lost pretty easily. And it’s STILL pouring. So, I just drive where I think I need to be, and hope for the best. But my defroster is a bit glitchy, it’s not really defrosting. I have to keep pulling over because I literally cannot see anything ahead of me.

We drive on this very narrow, winding road. Part of me imagines that Freddy Krueger will pop out from behind some tree, with his crazy claws glinting in my headlights. My heartburn comes back, and my head aches. I kind of think I may end up near Andover, but when I finally reach some sort of civilization, I’m further south in Tewksbury than when I started. But I know where I am, and get home without any other mishaps.

It’s now 11:30 PM.

Mike heads right to bed, he’s got school in the morning. I take a shower and go to bed about an hour later, after unwinding from all the happenings. I actually fall asleep pretty quickly – but around 1:10 we are awakened by some strange cry. “What was that?” I ask my husband. “I don’t know”. Then I hear my 11 year old open his bedroom door. “Mom, I puked”.

Now, the real nightmare begins.

[A good place to end, as I still need to finish my Jericho review, as episode One airs like – tonight]

Off the top of my head –

THEFT

A mix CD of mine was stolen over the weekend. I can re-create it easily enough – well not that easily. I don’t remember the order that the songs are in, but I should have all the songs still in me sweet little library. So, the loss of the CD is not so horrible. But still that was a little piece of me. Or, hmm – let’s see – 12 or so tracks, more like 12 little pieces of me. And someone stole it. The fu%*er.

Of course, they also made off with a couple of my son’s PS2 games. Now, there’s about $100.00 right there. And neither games nor CD should have been left outside the cabin of the campground we where in. But – there ya go, that’s the way it was.

Luckily I have not had a lot stolen from me. Not even my innocence. (It was given away with pleasure, mixed with a little guilt – of course) But it’s happened to people in my family. Houses, garages, vehicles, that sort of thing. What a lousy feeling. Someone poked around your stuff and decided what was valuable and what wasn’t. And what does that even mean? Would we be a little insulted if someone didn’t take our stereo or plasma?

“What, this isn’t good enough Mr. Thief? Just because I got it as a half price floor model, is no reason to get all snooty. My stuff is JUST as good as the neighbors!”

THE EMMYS

Loved watching Conan making his way through the sets of the ‘biggies’ like Lost, House, 24 even South Park. Very clever stuff.

Barry Manilow looked like he was in pain. Not talking about the poor hips that were to be fixed up – but his face. There wasn’t a visual resemblance, yet I keep thinking of Jack Nicholson’s version of The Joker in Batman. The whole grimace thing.

Anything is more fun when Kareem is there.

Kate Jackson was eloquent – but I kept getting distracted by her bone structure. Farrah did OK too, she seemed much more lucid than she did on the William Shatner roast (Comedy Central). Oy!

I can’t remember who she was – but one of the presenters, though very beautiful, well - something was awry. She had long pointy eyelashes that looked like they needed to be registered with the L.A. police department. Fairly scary, those.


WILLIAM SHATNER ROAST

I don’t think any stone was left unturned that night. Nothing was taboo. If anyone didn’t already hear the news that George Takei (Ensign Sulu) was gay, then it was drilled into them that night. (Wait – no, not like that). Ditto for Andy Dick. What a night! What laughs! What jabs! Ouch!

BORROWING A LINE

Whoever said that (paraphrasing) they didn’t understand why cereal boxes were SO freakin’ hard to open – yet light bulbs are packaged in lightweight cardboard, with cutouts! – Anyway – so true!

BIG TV QUIZ ----- ANSWERS


1. "I feel like I swallowed a hot mitten"

This is from the beloved classic, The Mary Tyler Moore Show. The news crew were feeling the effects of food poisoning, and this was Murry Slaughter's response. Sadly, no one got this : (



2. "I'm OUT!"

Now, here most of you shine. Of course, this is from Seinfeld's famous ep - "The Contest" - Kramer was the first to cave.


3. "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down." "

Y'all did pretty good here too. Everyone's favorite dope, Homer Simpson keeps us laughing. Rock on Homer!


4. "Hi, I'd like a Cheeseburger, please, a large fries and a Cosmopolitan"

Damn, must be more of a chick thing, Sex in the City.


5. "I didn't swear. GD. The first word is God. How can that be a swear word? It's the most popular word in the bible. The second word, damn, that's a perfectly good word, you hear it all the time, like they dam the river to keep it from flooding it. And you read in the Bible that some guy was damned for cheating or stealing or having sex in the family. And who damned him? Who else? God. God damned him. Edith, beautiful words right out of the Bible."

All in the Family. I didn't love this show, but it had some fabulous TV moments.

6. "I love it here. You can sing as loud as you want. That dude wails away on the organ. That dude up there tells stories. It's almost a religious experience!"

Tommy Chong's character Leo, and his observations about church in That 70's Show.

7. "...do you have any idea what happens to a butter-based frosting after sitting 60 years in a poorly ventilated English basement? I have a feeling that what you are about to go through is punishment enough. Dismissed!"

Seinfeld #2. Elaine had gotten used to the late afternoon office parties, so she was craving sugar. Sadly, in her managerial frenzy, she banned the parties, but retained the cravings. So, she snuck into boss J. Peterman's office to sneak a snack. What she thought was an Enterman's cake was really an expensive piece of history. The Duke of Windsor's wedding cake.

8. "I'm having a good ass day"

Mad About You. Fran's glib comment to Jamie regarding some nice jeans she was wearing.

9. "Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your "cancer" and your "emphysema" and your "heart disease." The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it."

Not that I agree, but it was cool when Chandler Bing ranted this on Friends.

Below is a piece I originally posted on Blogcritics. It was my official "stance" on the scams, spams and slams that I was dealing with in the Life Electronic. Also, was a little something I zipped off to one of my new 'friends'.


As part of life on the Internet, most of us have received strange emails. They are a nuisance at best, and at worst, could lead to real trouble. If we believe that a little child is dying somewhere, bereft of joy, balloon animals and our email wishes we might think that sending a harmless cyber cheer-up is the way to go. But no, we’ve just provided our email address to potential phishers, spammers, and other no-goodniks. We also helpfully added an invisible label that proclaims, “SUCKER!”

When eBay sends me an email to tell me that my account will be suspended because I’ve been abusing it – am I going to go rectify this matter by replying with an account number, social security, or mother’s maiden name? Gates-All-Mighty – NO! One, because I’m lazy, and two, because I don’t have an eBay account!

And so it goes, a different twist is the “I am Somebody connected with Something Important. In a former life I was related to Prince Abdullah Droola – I am rich/used to be rich/dream of being rich/need to unload some dough” I have started a collection of these entreaties on my own website, just for fun. Here’s a sampling:

“I have the tendency to invest this money in a company with good line of product like your own company and with potential for good capital returns, since your country is one of good investors friendly nation in the world, I would therefore like you to help me in every possible way in securing the fund in your country”

What product am I selling? Besides my superb writing that is. Perhaps they think I’m The Mary Kay. (The fact that she’s passed on probably doesn’t matter)

And another:

Meanwhile, my plan is to withdraw just some amount from the accumulated Interest, which will not even affect the main fixed deposit, I will Give you the details of procedure and my full ID when I receive your reply and indication of partner. Your reward and amount to withdraw will be our mutual agreement to avoid any misunderstanding. We have nothing to lose, we only courage to do this

In this case, the sum was the interest (at 7%) of $150,000,000.00. My eyes did roll around for a moment, not unlike the free-flying pupils of Coach Comet in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer when he saw the real glowing red nose that poor Rudolph had been hiding under a black rubber thingy.

I can’t flatter myself to think I am alone in the receipt of these scam emails. But vanity ensnares me – and I like to think that these people see something special in me. So, finally I fashioned a response, which will most assuredly fall on deaf, um – IPs. But I had fun anyway!

"Naw, not going to help you steal there, Ms Woodward. Or whoever you are.

Assuming you are a person, and your inquiry is not generated from a machine, I need to inform you that these emails are such old news. Evidently there are all kinds of monies languishing in various bank vaults or safe deposit boxes all around the world.

And I - lowly non-financial-background me seems to be the ONLY person in the good old capitalistic USA (or any other industrialized nation) with a pulse that is capable of receiving said monies. To do what with though, that always changes. Sometimes I'm asked to open up accounts, sometimes just put the money under my mattress. I assume it's all start up capital for a cleaning business - must have something to do with laundering - I guess?

That is a bit sad, don’t you think?

Not that I count myself to be among the great unwashed of the world. I don't see why a disposed prince from Fill in obscure African Country here or an official of Fictional Asian Corporation wouldn't want to become my pen pal. I'm kind to animals and I've been told that I'm a decent conversationalist.

So, Ms Woodward, as delightful as this current proposal seems, I'm content with staying on THIS side of the law, at least for today anyway."

It's Official - I rock. Got another one. I on my way to Wall Street Wizardry. (I start my lecture circuit of the East Coast B schools in September)



"My Dear Friend,I am interested in a partnership investment programme with yourself/corporation.

There is this huge amount of Five million Seven hundred and fifthythousand U.S dollars($5,750,000.00)which my late father kept in asecurity/financial company before he was assasinated by unknown persons,during a political crisis in my country.

My father deposited it as a family treasure and that was before his death.

Now I and mother left Angola to Senegal,through the help of my latefather's good friend.Right now we are in refugee camp andwe have decided to invest these money in your country or anywhere safe enough outside my country Angola and the whole of Africa for security and political reasons.We would want you to assist us to transfer this fund to your countryfor safty and investment purposes on the followings below:

1).Telecommunication

2).Manufacturing

3).Real Estate Business

If you will be able of rendering an assistance to us we willadequately compensate you 25% Of the total fund.We will arrange all the necessary procedures in ensuring a smoothprocess for the funds to get to you.We will also appreciate if you contact me once you receive this mail to enable me give you more details.This matter requires your urgent attention ,confidentiality and discretion no matter what your decision maybe.Thank you and God bless you.

Your's Sincerely,
Duoala Mbale"

Another one! Life is good!

From: Mr. Lawrence Omenda.
Tell : 66-59055478
Dear Sir.
Compliment of the day, before I proceed, I must be grateful to introduce my self, I am Mr. Lawrence Omenda a former personal aide to finance minister in Sierra Leone government, prior to the time of crisis which is presently on, I was able to secure some amount of fund which was safely deposited in Thailand.Due to my position, I was able to come away with the sum of { Four Million five hundred thousand United State Dollars}$4.5m, it was part of my share in over inflated contract awarded to foreign companies during the crisis.

I have the tendency to invest this money in a company with good line of product like your own company and with potential for good capital returns, since your country is one of good investors friendly nation in the world, I would therefore like you to help me in every possible way in securing the fund in your country.Furthermore , I will like you to assist me in finding a good business that I will invest this fund.However upon acceptance, you will be required to come to Bangkok Thailand for a meeting, this will enable us to know our self better and finalize arrangement towards moving the fund to your country.

In view of your participation, I am ready to give a good negotiation percentage for your assistance or better still commit it into joint venture project, be assured that you stand no risk of any kind as the fund legitimately belongs to me.I strongly believe that associating with you to embark on this and other business ventures will derive a huge success hereafter. .Presently, I am here in Thailand under the immunity of United Nation due to the war in my country, feel free to ask me any question in view of any doubt from your side, kindly reply with this Email law_omenda45@thaimail.orgAlso add your phone number probably mobile for ease of communication.

Best regards.
Lawrence Omenda.

I have been recieving these emails in my spam filter - about two or three a week. Though I understand that there is nothing genuine about them, I am intrigued nevertheless. To think, someone has determined that I am the glorious solution to their grave financial issues. This most recent plea is 'from' a industrious women in Bangkok. I may post up other ones, if I havn't deleted them alltogether.

Also forthcoming is my response to the dear dear Ms. Woodward.


"Attn,

I am a lady accountant with a bank here in Bangkok Thailand. There is a fixed Deposit of $150,000,000.00 (One Hundred and Fifty Million Dollars) made to this bank since 1994 which is twelve years now and since then no claim or withdrawal have been made on that deposit.

Fortunately, I have been the person working the interest from the day Of deposit to date, The interesting part of it is that the fixed deposit belongs to the late Nigerian dictator General Sani Abacha, this means that the account may have been abandoned by the surviving family members or that they are not even aware of the existence of the deposit.

However, I just finished updating the interest of the deposit this June, and it has come up to pound; $105,000,000.00 at the 7% interest rate per annum. It is this interest that I am interested in because I know very well that the family will care less on what happens to the Interest if they want to redeem the deposit, they will be interested on The main money, that is if they are able to claim it at all because all The money lodged into different banks here in Europe and United States Are now been claimed by the Nigerian government.

Meanwhile, my plan is to withdraw just some amount from the accumulated Interest, which will not even affect the main fixed deposit, I will Give you the details of procedure and my full ID when I receive your reply and indication of partner. Your reward and amount to withdraw will be our mutual agreement to avoid any misunderstanding.We have nothing to lose, we only courage to do this.

Sincerely yours,
Miss. Cynthia Woodward"

BIG TV QUIZ

OK it's not all that BIG, but let's not quibble over length
Leave your guesses in the comments - and when I get around to it, I'll post the answers. And for the love of Aaron Spelling - try to not Google or IMDB for answers - it's not very cricket, ya know? : )~

1. "I feel like I swallowed a hot mitten"


2. "I'm OUT!"


3. "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down." "


4. "Hi, I'd like a Cheeseburger, please, a large fries and a Cosmopolitan"


5. "I didn't swear. GD. The first word is God. How can that be a swear word? It's the most popular word in the bible. The second word, damn, that's a perfectly good word, you hear it all the time, like they dam the river to keep it from flooding it. And you read in the Bible that some guy was damned for cheating or stealing or having sex in the family. And who damned him? Who else? God. God damned him. Edith, beautiful words right out of the Bible."


6. "I love it here. You can sing as loud as you want. That dude wails away on the organ. That dude up there tells stories. It's almost a religious experience!"


7. "...do you have any idea what happens to a butter-based frosting after sitting 60 years in a poorly ventilated English basement? I have a feeling that what you are about to go through is punishment enough. Dismissed!"

8. "I'm having a good ass day"


9. "Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your "cancer" and your "emphysema" and your "heart disease." The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it."

Because this is SO cool, I had to share it with -- well -- anyone that stops by? Check this out.

The (model) Number of the Beast
(Originally Posted on Blogcritics.org)

A few years back Nickelodeon had this great show, Rocko’s Modern Life. Like many of their cartoons past and present, the dialogue always had something smart and funny for the adults as well as the kids. I don’t remember a lot about the show, except I really liked it. Plus, the B-52s theme song was cool.

Anyway, the episode I remember most is when Rocko got a new vacuum cleaner, the SUCK-O-MATIC. The thing sucked all right, not much escaped it. By the way, I found an online petition to resurrect the show, but they ask for a donation. Ah, I guess I don’t need to see it that bad. Funny episode though.

So, why bring up the show and the machine? Because somehow, now I have a Suck-O-MATIC. I dunno, all I did was change the bag. And it wasn’t anywhere near full, just had that funky vacuum cleaner smell. Anyway, my machine is a Kirby 6000. Or some high number made to sound very impressive. (On a side note, these fixing high numbers on these machines, what does it really prove? I’m thinking I’d rather my appliances were all #1.)

Not that I’m complaining so much about this vacuum cleaner – I just did my carpeted stairs with the handy-dandy hand-held, ah – handle thing, and they look incredible! I suppose my entire discussion of this Kirby would lead you to believe I just bought it. Naw, I’ve had it kicking around for a few years. Today for some reason it really showed its power. By the way, just because we are inching closer to that date of 6-6-6, is NO reason to think anything is creepy is going on or for that matter, to question why the toaster burned my hand yesterday, or why it looked like I had my own Zuul in the refrigerator this morning. No, no reason at all.

Back to the Kirby – I had been going nuts in the living room; finding cobwebs here, pollen there, cleaning like crazy. I now have the hose and tube attachments going strong. I’m clearly in the zone, as I conquer dust and dirt in every corner. What’s this, a dusty spool of twine? Not for long! I take the tube and lightly hold it over the twine, delighting in how the baby dust bunnies are disappearing faster than you can say, “Oh shit!”

Yeah, not only were the bits of dust being speedily sucked up, but the end of the twine was fast disappearing as well. In a heartbeat, the vacuum cleaner shuddered slightly, belched, and shut itself off.

My mouth just hung open.

How the HELL did that happen, and SO fast? I started to pull the kelly green half-inch of twine out of the tube. It came out for about five inches, and stopped. Stuck tight to the insides of the beast. I unscrewed one tube, two tubes – still stuck. I pulled off the hose and saw a small ball of twine wound tighter than an Eagle Scout’s best clove hitch to the silver knobby thing. (Yeah, that’s a technical term)

I pulled off the twine, having to cut parts of it as I went. Dear God, how did this much friggin’ twine unravel so fast? Seriously, it only took about 30 seconds for over 24 feet of twine (yeah, I measured) to be sucked up and rendered useless. 24 feet! Imagine If I was Rapunzel! Oh, and I checked the model number again of the Kirby. Should have known, 666.

I’m done cleaning for the day. I’m going to be calling Dan Brown, Father Damien and Gregory Peck’s ghost over for a little chat. Good thing I cleaned up the place!

Below is my stab at playing substitute for a vacationing friend and fellow Blogcritics writer, Mark Saleski. Mark, an accomplished music writer, publishes a weekly column called the Friday Morning Listen.


Friday Morning Listen: A Substitute Mix
(Previously posted on Blogcritics.org)

For starters, this isn’t Mark Saleski. This is a humble and somewhat jealous Sir Mary filling in for the vacationing Sir Saleski. As you all know, Mark’s been doing the Friday Morning Listen for three years now, relaying tidbits of his life, and the music that allows him to contemplate, celebrate, or just plain cope.

I know that often Mark’s ‘listening’ occurs on his drive into work on those Fridays. What a great idea, but my work commute consists of the few steps from the kitchen to the sunroom. I do get out and drive around on various errands during my day, but for months now I’ve been stuck with whatever I can find on the radio, as my CD player is broken.

However, I can relay what I might listen to as I work, which is a whole procedure itself. Sometimes I’m extremely picky when I’m writing. I suppose the closer a deadline looms is directly proportionate to what I listen to.

Anyway, lets swing over to my Windows Media Player, set it to ‘shuffle, and take a listen to some of my favorites:

“Sogno” – Andrea Bocelli. Not that conducive to writing, as I tend to just close my eyes and practically weep when ever I hear it. It’s just that gorgeous. But it puts me in a reflective state, and that’s not a bad thing.

“Music for a Found Harmonium” – Celtic Fiddle Festival. This unassuming little instrumental caught my attention when I became enamored of the movie Napoleon Dynamite. I heard this piece near the end of the movie and was captivated by its simplicity. As soon as I could, I searched the ‘net high and low to find the soundtrack. Well, finding the soundtrack wasn’t that hard, but this song wasn’t on it! Finally I narrowed it down to a version by the Penguin Café Orchestra. Not bad, but it wasn’t what I thought I heard in the movie. Actually, I thought I was hearing something of Latin origins, probably because the song continued through Pedro’s election celebration scene. I think part of the appeal of this piece is that it assumes different flavors in different settings. Wow, tofu music!

Another piece from ‘across the pond’ is Babyshambles’ “Bollywood to Battersea”. Now, I’ve been hearing lots about this group from the rest of my Mondo comrades – and a while back I randomly downloaded this piece. What a charming little song – reminiscent of early British Invasion, kind of Dave Clark Five-ish. However, I read that other Babyshambles selections range from punk to reggae styles – overall, something I think I’ll need to be purchasing sooner rather than later.

Next up is some pleasant jazz; an instrumental called “Highway Blues” by New Stories from the Speakin’ Out CD. Now this is my kind of writing music. Not too jumpy, and no distracting lyrics. My only problem is, I have no idea how this ended up in my player library. Must have been the music elves and fairies that play around in the house at night.

Oh awesome, nothing better than getting’ the Led out, with the timeless “Kashmir”. Sexy, soothing and stirring at the same time. Strangely, the lyrics don’t distract here. I barely acknowledge them, instead getting lost in the relentless bass and percussion.

From the classics to the new – my player shuffles right to Red Hot Chili Pepper’s “Stadium Arcadium”. Me likey.

Here’s another Napoleon Dynamite favorite – I’m kind of a sucker for certain 80s tunes like this. Strangely, during Holy Week, I found a deeper meaning in the simple but profound lyrics of “The Promise” by When in Rome:

“When you need a friend, don't look to a stranger,
You know in the end, I'll always be there.
But when you're in doubt, and when you're in danger,
Take a look all around, and I'll be there”

Works for me!

The beauty of this media player is that I can combine my son’s play list with my own. Otherwise I wouldn’t have developed an appreciate for the likes of Nirvana and Creed, evidenced my not shuffling away from the currently playing “Come as You Are” by Nirvana.

Oh yeah, let’s get jiggy! Will Smith you think? Not that I don’t like the Fresh Prince and all, but take that phrase back a decade, and you’ll surely feel jiggy listening to Van Halen’s “Everybody Wants Some”. I defy anyone with a pulse to sit still during this incredible mix of driving beat and wild shredding. OK so I don’t write so well with this stuff, but man, can I clean house or what!

I could let the title of my last selection, “Are You Experienced?” the Hendrix cover performed by Eric Johnson, taunt me. The song represents my half crazed efforts to bone up on the music of Johnson and Joe Satriani to prepare for my review of their Boston show last month. Experienced, I was not. I had never done a concert review before, and wasn’t extremely familiar with either musician’s material. But I knew what I liked, and tried to do justice to their work while driving myself slightly insane in the process.

And now, I will leave you in the much more experienced hands of Mark Saleski as he returns next week for another Friday Morning Listen.

QUIZ ANSWERS!!


1. “Run Shadowfax. Show us the meaning of haste”

This one wasn't too hard - from the last of the LOTR trilogy, The King Returns. This is what Gandalf commanded of his loyal horse, Shadowfax. Of course our friend Eowyn pegged this one. If she hadn't - well I would have had to knock some sense into the poor dear. : )


2. "She's so sexy. Look at her body language. All verbs!"

Infatuation at its best as Jason Biggs refers to Christina Ricci's character (and body) in Woody Allen's Anything Else. (2003)

3. "You know, one of these days, you might want to consider sitting down with someone. You know, have a little share time? Get in touch with your inner child? Also, you just might want to consider blinking once in a while."

A super pairing of the comedic genius of Ryan Reynolds with stoic hero Wesley Snipes in Blade: Trinity (2004) They both kicked ass, along with Jessica Biel against the likes of Parker Posey, WWE's Triple H, and Dominic Purcell. IMO, Reynolds stole the show.

4. "Franks and Beans! Franks and Beans!"

There's Something About Mary - Of course!

5. "Oh, no no no no. Dead broad OFF the table!"

Yes, Eowyn, 2004's Shrek 2

6. "Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!"

She does it again, right again Eowyn, Will Ferrell was crazy enough protraying the bitchy, evil fashion designer, Mugatu from the 2001 Ben Stiller comedy, Zoolander. (You really should see this. We'll do a movie night!)

7. "Welcome to Earth!"

Yup, line delivered with mucho 'tude by the awesome Will Smith in Independence Day. (1996). Smith, as U.S. Airforce pilot Captain Steve Hiller. He has shot down an alien space ship, bailed out of his own plane before it crashed, and was so pissed off that once he approached the alien spacecraft, that he punched out the alien creature as his own special 'welcome'.


8. "They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?"

I never tired 1997's Grosse Pointe Blank. John Cusak, who is one of my favorite actors, portrays hitman Martin Q. Blank. Martin is 'splaining his reticence in attending his high school reunion. Yeah, he has a good point.

9. "And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want, bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo."

Definitely a classic, The Princess Bride is tops in writing, acting, and directing.

10. "If I'm curt with you, it's because time is a factor here. I think fast, I talk fast, and I need you guys to act fast if you want to get out of this. So, pretty please, with sugar on top, clean the fucking car."

From a classic of a different sort, Pulp Fiction had some of the best dialogue in a movie. Ever.

Concert Review: Joe Satriani Super Colossal Tour
Berklee Performance Center - April 14, 2006

First posted on Blogcritics.org

It all started way back when, as many things do, with a dear friend from college. I was at Bryan’s house; he was playing something interesting on the stereo. “What’s this?” I asked. “Joe Satriani”, came the answer. He didn’t elaborate, and I just listened. The music was something very different from what usually blazed from Bryan’s Infinity speakers. Not necessarily better than Ted Nugent, Van Halen, AC/DC or Led Zeppelin, just very unique. The style of music and the name stayed in my head for a long time. I didn’t pursue the artist, but every time I heard the name mentioned, I would nod in appreciative recognition.

Then in the early ‘90s another instrumental rock guitarist got my attention – Eric Johnson. His Grammy winning “Cliffs of Dover” was getting airplay all over the place, so it was hard to ignore. But why would I want to? The song was incredible and I had to go get the platinum CD, Ah Via Musicom. I’ll confess right now, for the most part, all I listened to was “Cliffs of Dover”. The rest of the wonderful stuff went ignored. (I am a lazy music connoisseur – if there is such a thing)

But those two names still remained in my musical consciousness. Fast-forward to 2006 when I saw a concert announcement for Joe Satriani and Eric Johnson – in Boston. This was too good to pass up.

And it was that good.

The night started off with a rather loud and tasty dinner at Fire and Ice and moved on the Berklee Performance Center for the Boston stop of Joe Satriani’s Super Colossal tour. Eric Johnson opened up the show at about 7:30, and played for a little over an hour. I have since read that there was a hum coming from his equipment that night, but it wasn’t anything that I noticed personally, nor affected the show that much. Johnson went through a set that opened with “Summer Jam” and went on to include a great Hendrix cover of “Love or Confusion”; a very long but fun “Roctopus”; an undeniably country tune, “On the Way to Love”; and “SRV”, a rocking tribute to Stevie Ray Vaughn.

The crowd was more than appreciative during the show, yet this was the first concert that I’d been to in a long time when everyone stayed in their seats. The performances of both Johnson and Satriani were fairly no-frills, especially Johnson’s. Again, this was quite different from the pyrotechnics that I might see at an Aerosmith show, or the upside down drumming of Blink 182’s Travis Barker.

Of course, my favorite (and everyone else’s it seemed), “Cliffs of Dover” closed out the set. I’ve heard that Johnson turns the ‘Cliff’s’ into a whole separate art form during his shows. Annoying to some, and exciting for others, his teasing and hinting at his famous hit went on for – well – quite a while. But the reward finally came while Johnson, bass guitarist Chris Maresh and drummer Tommy Taylor brought it all together with the true ‘Dover’ melody, in a tight, bright finale.

One thing I never realized until this show – the guitar is such a ‘guy thing’. The BPC was packed with guys. I didn’t notice the disparity at first, even with a dead giveaway of a line for the men’s room. Sure, there were a few women here and there, but this was so definitely a guy thing.

So, it wasn’t until Joe Satriani – the headliner – began, that I really became aware of the conspicuously testosterone filled environment. First, it was the three men seated in front of my husband and myself. These guys were going wild, head nodding, air guitar, fists pumping…the works. And I heard of a lot of cheers and whistles, but not much above a low-end resonance. In Eric Johnson’s set, there was a hollered profession of, “I love you!” But, from a guy. Very interesting!

I said that both performers put on “no-frills” shows. Well, that’s not quite true. Satriani did have a modified light show. It was pretty much just white spots and some red and blue gels, but it helped rev up the crowd even more, especially working with the opening song, “Flying in a Blue Dream”. Hearing this one first was exciting, because I actually recognized it. As I mentioned earlier, I wasn’t the strongest JS aficionado, but I did manage to listen a few of his songs in the week or so before the concert. Though I would have loved to have recognized more pieces, the man is so talented that the whole set was amazing, even to the novice Satch fan.

During concerts, whether rock, classical, or somewhere in the middle, performers often change clothes for different numbers. Satriani doesn’t change clothes; he changes guitars. Now, I don’t know a Les Paul from a Fender Strat, but I noticed at some point that he seemed to change his guitars for every song, or close to it. During the performance of the title track from his newest CD, Super Colossal, he actually played a guitar with his picture on it. This customized and autographed Ibanez with the CD cover art will be raffled off at his last tour stop in San Francisco. (Proceeds will benefit two programs, Little Kids Rock and Music in Schools Today)

After hearing him perform “Super Colossal”, it all seemed to fit. This really is the song to play on a guitar with one’s own image on it. I listen to it now, and I can picture Mick Jagger or Steven Tyler strutting their stuff. It’s all about the front man. It’s a big, full, swaggering song, a definite rock anthem, without words.

But the fact that Joe Satriani’s music is mainly instrumental can be both a detriment and a plus. Vocals do get the attention of mainstream rock radio. Take Van Halen. Now Eddie Van Halen is a solid shredder. (Just listen to “Everybody Wants Some”). But for the most part, the average listener is going to first focus on David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar. The other instruments sometimes need to vie for attention, lead guitar included because people will identify a band with the vocalist. But without vocals to contend with, Satriani revels in a love affair with his guitar. Whether cajoling the achingly beautiful melody of “A Cool New Way”, showing off the power of “Redshift Riders”, or unleashing the authority of “Satch Boogie”, Joe Satriani and his guitar make an incredible pairing.