Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Friday, February 27, 2015

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep



Sleep’s a funny thing Isn’t it? Come on, sleep is weird! And dreams? I’d say, don’t get me started, but please, get me started on that another time (ask me about the Oreo Cookie).Today though, dreams not my focus for this post. 

But this thing called sleep, it sometimes comes upon us at inopportune times, like in the middle of a late afternoon meeting. Other times, when we hit the rack with a stretch of hours ahead of us to rest and repair, sleep eludes us like a greased pig. Damn!

It’s the insomnia part that I struggled with at our family’s summer vacation spot, a park model trailer at Cape Cod. There were several reasons I couldn’t get to sleep, too warm, too crowded on the snugly fit-inside-the-camper-bedroom, inadequate mattress, and uncooperative pillows. 

Now maybe in my advancing (ha!) age, I’m getting picky about my pillow. I don’t like a pillow that’s TOO firm, I can’t abide one that’s too flat, and I have no patience for a bouncy pillow. Finally, we were at a Sears store that summer, and I picked up this little number. 
Sears Memory Foam Pillow

I love my awkwardly shaped memory foam pillow, it’s really helped with sleep (that and my mouth guard for that pesky sleep apnea). But I’m also amused by it. When the colder months hit (and by now we were back home, with the pillow), I noticed that when I first got into bed at night, that my head literally hit the pillow. That is, it kind of bounced off. Now this isn’t the same reaction as the bouncy pillow. This was…well really the best analogy that fits is that my pillow felt exactly like a sturdy corrugated cardboard box. Yup. Truly. 

This is what happens to memory foam when it gets cold. It gets very stiff and unyielding. 

Luckily, memory foam also warms with your body heat, and does what it’s supposed to do, support you with love. Does a cardboard box do that?  Well, maybe if it’s one of those re-purposed large appliance crates – that you can turn into a spaceship or diving bell or a depressing night court complete with drunks and prostitutes – yeah, those “support” you I suppose With love? Maybe. 

Sweet dreams

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Hallelujah Pintest!



I heard there was a “Secret Board”,

Where Jenny pinned her sweet prize gourd
But you don’t really care for pumpkins, not your interest.


Well, it goes like this, the boat, the fish

Then recipes for a tasty dish --

The baffled spouse asked “what’s Pinterest?”



Pinterest…Pinterest…Pinterest….Pinterest



Her squash was eaten but she needed proof

She shot the photo from her roof

The rabbit in the moonlight said, "was this your best?

“Sorry, don’t blame me, it was just a dare

I was challenged by that other hare!

Are you really going to put this on Pinterest?”


Pinterest…Pinterest…Pinterest…Pinterest




“Jenny, we’ve been here before.

Instagram, Facebook, and you still want more?”

Husband asked, “Twitter, Tumbler, is this a test?

You’ve got potpourri, books, tins of cornstarch,


Junior's glove, baby teeth and my accident last March?

TOO MUCH sharing of our lives on Pinterest!”

Friday, April 29, 2011

Look at the Alternative

Funny but true exchange between the mammogram technician and myself:


MT: OK, now put your right sleeve in and take your left sleeve out.


Me: (trying to use humor to deflect the awkwardness of the situation)  Sure, but just don't ask me to "shake it all about."
MT: (laughs)
(pause)
Me: "Only if you have some $1.00 bills to throw at me"

MT: "Well, I guess we could get some people in off the street with their dollar bills."



Yeah, seriously this happened.


Mammograms suck. But look at the alternative. 

While I was getting mushed and tugged at, and at times I gasped from the discomfort, I kept saying to myself, even when it got quite painful. "You can do this. It hurts, but not as bad as cancer"

Friday, November 28, 2008

Hot Pocket!

Today I had my first ever Hot Pocket. It didn't suck, so that's a bright spot. It's not something I'd want to look forward to every day - but it didn't suck. I said that already. And it's funny, that on a day after Thanksgiving, I'd have a freakin' Hot Pocket to begin with. With all this food in the house, we have no food, to like - eat. Sure, there's some leftover pie. And the yummy mini-quiches. And some crabmeat and artichoke parmesean dip. Another yumm-o.

But, I had 3 mini quiches for breakfast. And later a mini cinnamon roll. And then later on a lemon poppy seed muffin. And I wanted something normal for lunch. But I realized the deli meat was dicey, same with the leftover chicken from the great Call of Duty 5 lost weekend. I had made a chicken casserole when our friend Dave (AKA known as "Captain Awesome") stayed over. But, umm, that was *cough* a couple weeks ago. I had planned to make chicken salad with the left over cubed up chicken, but never managed to do it. But the poor cubes still sit in their little plastic storage thingie - sick with the knowledge that they are doomed for the Top Secret penicillin experiments (covertly engineered by Massive Dynamics).

So, I peeked in the freezer. The other day I picked up some frozen/junk food type items. Taquitos. Burritos. French Bread pizzas. Yuk - nothing appealed, but then I found the breakfast Hot Pocket - and well, it didn't suck!

But the funny thing about the little HP. It comes with a special 'sleeve' for crisping. Or browning. Or both. But one must do some folding and tearing with these little 'sleeves'. It's very odd. I'm not a stupid person, but it took me a minute to get it.

It's nuts though, because the Pocket itself, is not that big...it's nearly pointless to take the time to build this sleeve contraption, just so someone can 'eat it on the go'. Eat what? It'd be gone before you start your car, or put on your backpack.

So, after I started eating mine in its little sleeve (I can see why they don't call the sleeves "pockets"), I realized why it had the sleeve.

It's HOT!

I suppose some dumb kid (sorry..but they are dumb sometimes - I have two, I know) burned himself on the pastry, and now they are putting these swell sleeves in the packages. Too bad they don't keep you from burning the inside of your mouth. I guess I'm still a dumb kid too.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

DVD Review - 24 Season Six

Warning – Spoilers

Whether you loved or hated Season Six, you have to admit there were still plenty of amazing moments: Jack Bauer neatly snipping off the finger of Russian Diplomat Markov with a cigar cutter, Abu Fayed drilling Morris to get him to arm his nuclear devices, Reed Pollock kidnapping Tom Lennox and planning a Presidential assassination in a White House boiler room. Gredenko with his arm. Gredenko without his arm. Kindly James Cromwell (Babe anyone?) suffocating his lovable son Graem in order to keep him mum on family and corporate secrets, and so damn many more. The seven disc set captures those moments with the full 24 episodes, plus special features that include commentaries by the stars, writers, producers and even the Emmy winning composer, Sean Callery.

The basic, if implausible, story takes place about 20 months after Day Five. Jack had successfully brought down the corrupt President Logan, but was then straightaway imprisoned by the Chinese in retaliation for his supposed misdeeds at the Chinese Consulate during Day Four. Now, nearly two years later, the U.S. is deteriorating from terrorist attacks. Finally, one Abu Fayed has alerted the American authorities that he will help them end the attacks by giving them the location of Hamri Al-Assad, the supposed mastermind of the recent terrorism.

The catch is that President Wayne Palmer (deceased ex-President David Palmer’s brother) must give up Jack Bauer to Fayed. After much effort, a visibly tattered and tortured Jack is released from China and brought to Los Angeles, only to be prepped for sacrifice to Fayed. While under custody, Fayed informs Jack that Assad is not the true mastermind, but is trying to stop the terrorism that he, Fayed, is really responsible for.

The ensuing 20-odd episodes follow Jack’s efforts at finding suitcase nukes in L.A., and President Palmer’s failing health at the White House, along with side plots involving Chloe and Morris’s relationship, Vice President Daniel’s unwise dalliance with his aide, and Jack’s father, brother, sister-in-law, and nephew reappearing in his life in an unpleasant way. There is also a brief but strange resurgence of former President Logan and First Lady Martha Logan.

While it’s great to watch the whole season from 6:00 AM on, watching on a DVD format can be overwhelming, as most viewers will watch several episodes at one sitting. Although the continuity is a good thing, the unremitting tension is tough on the nerves. Now’s the time to turn on the special features, because a relentlessly serious show like 24 needs a break, even a little levity. While there is no blooper reel, there are some very funny moments beginning with a never-seen “cameo” that features Ricky Gervais (creator and star of the original BBC’s The Office and star of HBO’s Extras). Gervais plays a Presidential advisor waiting not so patiently on the sidelines during an Oval Office meeting. How Jayne Atkinson, D.B. Woodside and Peter MacNicol kept from busting out into laughter is a credit to their acting skills.

But we do get to hear many of the actors cracking wise while they watch the show. Each disc has at least one or two episodes that have running commentaries by pairs of cast members, producers, or writers. Some of the funniest were the observations of Mary Lynn Rajskub (Chloe) and Joel Surnow (Co-creator and exec-producer) as they watched 12:00 AM to 1:00 AM. They poked fun at Powers Booth’s character (Vice President Noah Daniels) calling him Barry White, and made kissy noises while Booth was lip-locked with Kari Matchett (Lisa Miller).

Jean Smart and Gregory Itzin were hilarious while they were covering hour 6:00 PM to 7:00 PM. Of course, this hour included their big scene at the “spa”. Remember? Martha found a place to store her paring knife? In seeing this scene again after so many months, I was struck (no pun intended) with the absurdity of the whole thing. Of course, Martha was supposed to have been somewhat unbalanced, and Logan’s visit would be just the thing to rile her, but still, it was silly. Smart and Itzin seemed to think so too, but they still had fun reliving the scene. And they both agreed that coming back to do the show for a limited run was like just “eating one potato chip.”

All those involved were genuinely appreciative of each other’s talents. They gave especially high marks to Powers Boothe, Peter MacNicol, Kari Matchett and composer Sean Callery. Nearly everyone spoke of what a fantastic job he does of creating the right moods with his scoring. Callery himself was able to add his thoughts to the 10:00 PM to 11:00 PM hour, partnered with Adoni Maropis (Fayed).

Some of the other extras were more basic overviews of how extras (or ‘background talent’) are directed, or how props are categorized and stored. Take it or leave it type stuff. But there is a nice feature demonstrating all the set up for the opening hour’s Metro bus explosion and a “Look Inside the Writer’s Room” (pre-WGA strike, of course). And for more giggles, the DVD-ROM has the hidden feature of 24 Minutes: Jack Bauer on The Simpsons.

For those who typically don’t bother with commentary options on a DVD, give these a chance. It’s a real treat to get to know the person behind the character, music and story.

They were all clearly were having a lot of fun watching the show, and it was more than refreshing listening to them do what I have done every week during while 24 is running. Enjoying the hard work, and getting caught up in the drama and suspense, but giving it the irreverent once-over.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Technology

My computer taunts me. You think I’m paranoid? Come watch while I play Spider Solitaire. I realize I’m not winning and am ready to bag it all and start fresh. Computer though, has another idea. “Are you sure you want to start a new game?” it queries. “Hell yeah”, I answer. Yes, I’m aggravated at the computer. Admittedly, perhaps I’m just a wee bit defensive, I’m thinking the computer is calling me a lazy wimp. Anyway, I’m sure I’m not alone in my paranoia.

Somewhere along the way, we let our machines get too big a piece of the pie. Now we find ourselves paying homage to the Hard Drive, bowing to the Bandwidth, and placating our PDA’s. We sweat (no pun intended) over climate control for our CPU’s. We insure our mobiles are charged up religiously. Our refrigerators are so smart; they are one step away from making the perfect martini. And television can pause live programming? Crikey!

Ah, television. I do so love my nice large screen High Definition set, but it is really still a reminder of our dependence on advanced technology. I think it was the five remotes that sent me over the edge. Five remote controls all lined up at the ready, like soldiers in a high tech war. Now, my husband will argue that we really need just one. As soon as he programs the Onkyo remote to control all the other soldiers, ah - I mean remotes, and then it will be a beautiful thing. Will that make Onkyo like George Patton?

I will not, absolutely not, deny the pleasure that technology has wrought for me, and the world. I am kind of jazzed that my cell phone has a GPS function, and my new dishwasher is ever so quiet. Online shopping, remote vehicle starting, optic fiber and the Segway are innovations that are bringing more good than bad into our lives.

What about the Bad? The stuff of which movies are made and jail terms served? Ever see Enemy of the State? Talk about paranoia! How about I Robot? Yes - I know - Will Smith was in both. You know what they say though, truth is stranger than fiction. There are some very real things going on in the world of science and technology that are both fascinating and chilling. I plan on making my way into the Brave New World, but will I VeriChip? More importantly, will I have a choice?

Monday, May 14, 2007

The Simpsons to Spoof 24

Sunday night, May 20th, The Simpsons will air their 400th and season finale episode. Called “24 Minutes”, this event will be done in 24 style complete with multi frames and nerve-wracking ticking. Guest stars Kiefer Sutherland and Mary Lynn Rajskub will play their Monday night alter egos, Jack Bauer and Chloe O’Brian.

Seems like Springfield Elementary has set up a CTU of its own. Yes the educational Mecca of Springfield for lo these last 18 seasons now runs a Counter Truancy Unit, manned by CTU agents Bart and Lisa Simpson. Set up by Principal Skinner, the CTU faces uncertain times as rumors of a stink bomb to be detonated during a school bake sale has everyone on edge. Or, as “on-edge” as a cartoon character could be.

Now, Jack and Chloe will just play themselves; but naturally, one might guess which CTU staffer, White House worker, or Terrorist du jour would be portrayed by the rest of the happy Springfield town folk. Though I doubt they’ll go that route, it’s a fun idea to play with – so here are some of my offerings:



Jack Bauer --- Bart Simpson
Chloe O’Brian --- Lisa Simpson
Vice President Daniels --- Chief Wiggum
Tom Lennox --- Waylon Smithers
President Wayne --- PalmerCarl Carlson
Bill Buchanan --- Principal Seymour Skinner
Karen Hayes --- Edna Krabappel
Terri Bauer --- Maude Flanders
Kim Bauer --- Christian Charity
Phillip Bauer --- Montgomery Burns
Graem Bauer --- Krusty the Clown
Josh Bauer --- Milhouse Van Houten
Mike Doyle --- Groundskeeper Willy
Milo Pressman --- Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
Morris O’Brian --- Dr. Julius Hibbert
Edgar Stiles --- Comic Book Guy
Cheng Zhi --- The Great Humungous
Any Fox News Reporter --- Kent Brockman
Nina Meyers --- Patty Bouvier
TAC Team --- Rod and Tod Flanders
Audrey Raines --- Marge Simpson
Erin Driscoll --- Judge Constance Harm
Ex President Logan --- Sideshow Bob
Former Sec-Def Heller --- Mayor Quimby
Assorted Goons & Hostiles --- Kang and Kodos


These pairings could be rearranged all sorts of ways, what would your ideal portrayals be? And while you are mentally re-writing the scripts for both 24 and The Simpsons, don’t forget to tune in to Fox on the 20th to see how it all goes down.